Got invited to a party recently - turns out the hostess was trying to play matchmaker and hook me up with her friend - an overweight, toothless, mother of 3 who's obsessed with Twilight.
Excused myself to the bathroom and escaped through the window (2nd floor no less). Ignored a bunch of angry messages thereafter.
I went out with a very attractive guy who is a personal trainer, so I knew he was into fitness. What I didn't expect was for him to tell me how many calories and grams of fat were in everything I ordered at dinner. After I took EVERY bite he told me how many push-ups or squats I would need to do to burn it off. No wonder he's still single.
Went on a movie date with this girl. She smoked cigarettes in my car, spilled her soda in my car-- I had bought this car less than a week before. After all this, holding my anger, she has the audacity to ask me to pay her f#*%ing probation fee/fine. She now has a warrant out for her arrest.
A hotty on Tinder basically agreed to sleep with me if I took her out for what she called a "good time." Naturally, I asked what she meant by good time. She replied by suggesting a romantic evening of wine tasting and good food. I countered by suggesting Charles Shaw and McDonald's. Fail
I'd been dating a guy for a few weeks. One day after having sex, he got a call. As I was waiting for him in the bed, I heard him say to the guy on the phone "I love you, too"! When he came back to the bed he admitted he had a boyfriend and was moving the next day to be with him. Douchebag!
A guy I met at the gym took me to dinner one night at a Mexican restaurant (his suggestion). When the waitress came over to the table he ordered nachos for us to share. She asked if we wanted all the toppings on them. He said to hold the beans, because they give him diarrhea. Who says that!?!
A guy from work invited me out to a local waterpark. I had a major crush on him and I was thrilled he had asked. I bought a new bikini and was feeling pretty great in it... Until halfway down the first water slide when the bikini bottom got caught on a nail and tore in two.
After taking one girl to a nice dinner I went back to her place for a nightcap. While she got out a bottle of wine I asked to use the bathroom. I lifted the lid of the toilet to pee and saw that she had forgotten to flush a huge dump. I didn't mention it, but the mood was killed for me.